Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Friday, October 7, 2005
06:38 p.m.
i sit here.
quietly.
nothing has changed.
nothing ever really changed-
everything has has changed.
my heart has often been shattered and my body bruised.
but in all reality, nothing has really changed.

i'm still here.
still sitting here.
no matter wat threats i make.
no matter wat accusations,
here i sit.

and here i dream of finding you.
or, rather, you finding me.
sweeping me off my feet.
bashing me over the head,
with this great, fiery passionate love
that i just cannot refuse.
and as i sit here i cannot even begin to realize.
to let it sink into this mind.
i still believe in the fairy tale.
i still believe that sumone-
sum love.
is going to come and save me.
and then everything will be perfect.
everything will be lovely.
and i wouldn't have to be strong.
i wouldn't have to be so determined to face everything-
i'd have a saviour-
saving me frum sumthing i've never needed saving from.
-alysia-

Friday, October 7, 2005
06:26 p.m.
in the corner of the room
there stares a fly.
on the wall.
in the corner.
i am that fly on the wall.
right over there on the left side of that painting.
can you see me? i'm not moving.
just watching.
i've spent most of my life watching.
i sit with a book of paper and i write.
and watch.
my wings are itchy-
i am that social butterfly.
the one that flits and flies.
and smiles. and is desirable.
but that's not the whole of who i am.
i am that fly.
i don't mind being alone by this painting.
alone with my thoughts.
creative aspirations and horribly fomed opinions
with garbage and the human race-
those who walk thru these doors.
i really quite enjoy it.
you learn a lot.
and i crave the knowledge of decay-
i'm just this fly.
-alysia-

Friday, October 7, 2005
04:49 p.m.
a brain twitch.
i blink back to yesterday.
i don't remember it.
oh wait--i remember wanting. needing. writing.

i remember you. and you wanting.
needing to see me.
sumhow you think that maybe seeing me before i leave
will actually ease the pain,
that i caused when i left you.
there was never a breath connecting us.
and now as i gasp in ecstasy,
i have no thoughts of you.
before they used to be little. and disturbing.
but now i feel no guilt.
no blood is dripping over this body.
i have been bought and then released.
see if you can tame me.

and yet as you think, maybe you can be tamed.
you are afterall, human.
and you do often lust for the same thing
Reality is no where in your mind.
you're a fool to think otherwise.
to believe that my heart is pure.
ha. it was all just a bite
with which i had biten you.
-alysia-