Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Sunday, October 9, 2005
08:55 p.m.
you.
you confuse me.
not in you or you and me or in who you are.
but in my mind you confuse me.
and i don't even know how.
you just are.
that's all the sense of words can say.

you confuse me.
and yet there was no confusion when my hand lingered.
there was no confusion when it was day and we were just together.
our energy.
it was unmistakeable.
i knew the colors were to be seen-
how could they be held blind with such an oblivion?
it had to be hidden.
i was timid of it.
confused.
logic stated no connection.
in logic there is never a broken heart.

he doesn't make me cry,
she whispers trying to justify her choice.

i just stare at her.
look at her and wonder if she really believes herself.
really believes that.

i just keep staring.
keep wondering if maybe that's wat you do-
settle for who doesn't hurt you as much as the others.
is that wat the night comforts-
leads you to?
-alysia-

Sunday, October 9, 2005
08:43 p.m.
after a while the fight lessens.
you just don't have the strength anymore.
you start to think about the other side of things.
the side that you're stuck in.
can life really be any different?
you've known no other way...

but it is another way.
you know it.
well, not quite.
but you can feel it.
feel it tugging at your mind.
feel it inside you. as it grows, anxiously.
makes you feel butterflies.
how can you ignore it?

and then the phone rings.
the one connection to the other side.
to the other way of life.
to the other patch of grass.
and you're surprised.
why is it calling?
why is it opening up its self this way?
and you keep talking.
you lean forward glancing into the open.
and then step back.
realize that you are also opening up your side.
and your side is maybe the other side for your other side.
a pause in thought. a moment of maybe-realization.
yes. realization.

you cannot breath. excited. sickened. excited.
nervous. anxious. and happy.
this is real.
for once it's real.
no perpetual smiles. no fake names.
just real grass.
and no fence holding you in.
-alysia-

Sunday, October 9, 2005
08:38 p.m.
Given on Mandi's Graduation

burn.

burn his picture.
his old love letters.
they are no where to be found.
he is no where near.
walk on.
carry not his weight.

keep your mind clear.
your heart full of passion.
this world is deadly.
don't let it taint your mind.

stand strong on the rocks that you believe in.
open your mind to new ideas and others' choices.

there is no one else like you.
bask in that sun ray.
open your face to a stranger.
keep smiling.

fall in love.
maybe not with one person.
but with the people in the world who need that extra support.
that extra strength.

don't let others' negative energies rain down on you.
build your own storm shelter and open it for the homeless.

lend a hand.
Clean up after yourself.
leave as few heartbroken people in your wake as you can.

don't face me.
don't hide in the shadows.
don't cover your wounds with band-aids.
let them heal.
realize that weakness is actually strenght.
that you need others in your life.
don't cut yourself to see wat kind of blood you will bleed...

you might not like the answer.
-alysia-

Sunday, October 9, 2005
08:32 p.m.
you're not the one i want to run to.
you're not the one that my heart pines for.
you're not the one that i dream of being with.
of caring for.
dancing.

you're not the one.

and i don't know how to break it to you.
i said it once and it sent your world crashing.
made you come bleeding and crawling towards me.
i haven't changed.
you're not the one.

the blood within me doesn't rush for you.
my eyes don't even want to take sight on you.
there is nothing more in this heart of myne.

no room in this cheap motel.

so take your bags. leave me here.
in the dark. in the stars. in the death of night.
i like how they cower.
i like the promise of air.
of space.
and creative intelligence that lets me paint with the color i choose.
there are no lines when it comes to blood.
veins are free and unwavering.
there are no scars where beauty runs--
only truth.
and there's only me on this doorstep.
-alysia-