Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Saturday, May 13, 2006
09:33 p.m.
Don't turn me away- i have so much to give you
i may be drowning in my own blood- feeling my way out from shadows-
and storms caused by my own doing- but that doesn't mean
my love is any more or less jaded than your own- my words linger true
and i would never lie to you- i'm standing here, unsteady and uncertain
but offering my soul to you- not to own or crush or create- but for you to
explore- because as much as you have to offer me, i can return- i can love you
just the same-
and i want that chance- don't just turn me away because you don't know
how i feel- you know the skin upon me- and how i tremble beside you-don't
turn me away because you're afraid of yourself.
-alysia-

Saturday, May 13, 2006
09:31 p.m.
Lost in you
i know you're reaching for your phone- thinking of your watch
as you kiss me- time is wasting away-
and it always will be- i don't know what makes this moment different-
how this situation is bad timing- when really nothing can change that-
so why are you thinking ahead? thinking of that when nothing's been said-
there is no timeline- deadline to meet. there's just me- me- someone who
just wants to get lost in you tonight.
-alysia-

Saturday, May 13, 2006
09:15 p.m.
How i know
one moment- within night- within my breath-
i think of you- and smile-
that's how i know i love you.
-alysia-

Saturday, May 13, 2006
09:05 p.m.
Never True
i always wanted that fairy tale come true-
my prince charming to come sweep me off my feet- the one
guy i never expected but always dreamt of- i wanted a castle
and the forever after ending- the kiss me and take my breath away kind of feelings.
and i'm not saying forever isn't something that comes true- but lets open
our eyes- arms aren't meant for carrying- and lies are held truer
than any vows to lace human lips- i've always known that- had a few
fall from my honey and fill someone's head with paradise
and forever mores-

i still dream of you---the guy to make me change my mind---
but please know that i have to prepare you- i'm not an easy sell
and i won't ever forget
the fact the perfection is never true.
-alysia-

Saturday, May 13, 2006
09:00 p.m.
even for a moment
moments of clarity
are only brought on by longing-
and the true missing of someone
when you don't even know their name.

i know i would feel lost
without your smile to direct me- even if it were only for a moment-

and the death of it would be
a lonely gray sock
littering my soul
-alysia-

Friday, May 12, 2006
08:58 p.m.
Smiling at you
she stains the white lace- didn't realize she was bleeding tears
and never wanted it to turn out this way- you can think
she'll walk away from you- but she won't- the stubborness
doesn't just fade that easily- she'll fight for you- no matter what you say-
think- feel- she knows that tiny speck of your soul-
and that's what is making her stay- making her cry within the night
because she knows you in a way- one you allowed-
and that's gotta count for something-
so quit looking ahead- quit thinking of the logic and rationality in this-
she's not her, nor will she pretend to be- clinging to you is a place
you won't find her-
but she'll be waiting here---smiling at you.
-alysia-

Sunday, May 7, 2006
03:26 p.m.
True Love & Soul Mates
i used to sleep on a bed of roses with you- a pedestal
that i'd never fall off- because you knew me
and still offered me the world- offered your love
and the entirety of your being---i've never known that-
haven't felt it since you
and now i'm here- years later- many more hearts
crushed behind me- and sleeping on a double bed
with orange sheets- you no longer know me and i don't know where you've been-
barely have been able to keep track of myself-
i'm not on any pedestal- too much fan of jumping
but in all honesty, i've just never had the chance- never
let anyone get that close- you left me with no heart
to offer.
and that's okay because true love and soul mates is overrated anyway.
-alysia-

Sunday, May 7, 2006
03:25 p.m.
A dream that won't go away
so casually- i feel drawn to you- the butterflies
you draw within my stomach was just a smile- i can't believe
i actually met someone to make me blush with a word of hello
and nothing more- i feel so distant and dizzy- like a lil garden
falling into wind- into wind and the unknown places
of a heart-
there's that word again- something i'm so unaccustomed to-
there shouldn't be room for that again- no room for a smile
from a gaze
and a dream that won't go away.
-alysia-

Sunday, May 7, 2006
03:22 p.m.
There
i'm sure i called you- hung up the phone
and gigled insanely with gurlfriends about the love
i wanted to have with you- i'm sure there were days
when i thought i would burst with happiness
when you would look at me- loved me within glances-
i wonder where you are now- where the moments went
where happiness was innocence
and there were no burns on these hands- when my heart
didn't know what crashing was- and all the pain and longing i had
created this love stronger.

and even now i can look in the mirror
and see where you landed within me- there are no scars
branded with your name- only a soft lingers smile within my eyes
that only i know is there.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 26, 2006
09:14 p.m.
i'm not saying
and i'm not saying that my childhood was bad- i remember
mud between my toes- baseball- fields of dandelions-
smiles and laughter- i remember my best friend being my worst enemy
and falling in love with the school's cutest boy- having that love last years
past all logic and reality---he was my prince come true
and i'll never turn my back on that---i don't know where he is now-
but i'm sure he'd still be able to make me smile.
and i'm not saying that i'll never cry- i just remember when i gave them
that power- gave them all that power- and how he held me down and didn't listen
to my tears-
i thought love must have been like that- and i'm not saying
i'll never love again- i know i have, no matter how little their shards were-
they were all pieces of glass that reflected me.
and i'm not saying i'm not pretty- but i've lived within my skin and see
the horrid things i've done- dragged that knife- fought with sleep- prayed to die
and didn't care about the lust i sold for my own prosperity.
there's always anoter excuse that can run out of my mind- my mouth
but if you really listen to me- if you really look at me you can see the bends
in my breath and the creases within my eeys- the highs and falls in my life
have all been with intensity- and there are scars
underneath these jeans- a covering of skin that has desperately tried to hold-
begged to be loved by anything but metal and fire- the elements
it's so used to having pushed against it- sealed with the promise of love
and forever-
and i'm not saying they were wrong for loving me--- i just know who i am
and that's not right for me.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 26, 2006
09:12 p.m.
Something Simple
there's something simple
about bunnies and powder snow- both covering
her soul- reminding her of lives lived
and images spent-
borrowed and torched.

there's something better
about returning like this- simple
and unexplained.

love beyond rhythms and magic
of yesteryears.
-alysia-