|
Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.
Sunday, October 9, 2005
06:05 p.m.
how you never quite meant a lot to me-
that feeling under my nails
how the idea felt right
but it was you that got to me.
got under my skin.
you would have been perfect.
you could have easily been the love of my life-
if you had played your cards right.
if you weren't so arrogant,
self-centered, and insensitive.
and helpless. and self righteous.
i can say so much about you.
to hate you.
to push me over that edge and not look back.
to hate you. i want to hate you.
to think that you were never right for me.
but i do remember those nights where i'd go to sleep smiling.
where all i wanted to do was smile and think of you.
and dream of how wonderful we were.
but we weren't.
now i'm forced to look at you.
to stare into the light. as if you are standing behind me
and grabbing my face-
pushing me to look straight.
it hurts. i want to cry.
so wat if i could never hurt you.
you hurt me.
you are still hurting me.
with your insensitive nature and your ridiculous logic.
you are no better than me.
i'm fallen. broken in pieces.
you stand and are blind to your fragments.
-alysia-
Sunday, October 9, 2005
05:55 p.m.
Thru an unjaded eye
wat do i want?
i want to fall in love.
i do.
more than anything that's wat i want.
love is the only great thing available in this world and i want it.
i can't deny it.
love is wat i want.
you can leave behind the white picket fence and traditional family setting-
i don't need, nor want any of that-
i want the liveliness of love.
the energy, the stress, the happiness,
the glow of love.
i give in and admit it.
now wat?
how do you stay true to yourself and find love-
live love?
i really have no idea.
but i do know i'm tired of childish behaviour.
of endless daydreams.
i want sumthing real-
no need for fairy tales.
i want romance and trust and attraction and intellect
and chemistry and creative
and two hearts
i want that.
and this scares and excites me all at the same time-
strange,
this life of myne.
-alysia-
Sunday, October 9, 2005
05:51 p.m.
stop it.
stop talking.
stop pretending.
stop digging the knife deeper into me.
so wat if i can't hurt you.
i never thought i could---
i knew that it would be me
eventually laying on the black and white floor bleeding.
bleeding uncontrollably.
stop it.
you win.
i give up.
give my heart back.
i can see it silently whimpering on the grass next to me.
i can't reach it.
i can't move.
go ahead, pour lemons and wine.
make me burn.
make me wish for death-
i did that before i ever met you-
it's not just you..
-alysia-
|
