Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Friday, December 30, 2005
02:50 p.m.
Tonight
i have it all-
i've lost it all.
the magic within my smile
still breathes
but is slower to
quicken.
my pulse
no longer races-
i'm caught in the confusion
of past lies.
no more does my heart
sing
for the song of a stranger
instead-
doubts,
lies,
insecurities.
i've been deceived too many times.
no longer
will i pluck those petals
and stare into the water
as if the waves
could tell my story.
my heart is my own
as is my life.
the tree i planted
still grows
but the frost
has given it bite-
the frost
has bit me bitter
and it is only wine
that accompanies me tonight.
-alysia-

Friday, December 30, 2005
02:47 p.m.
Page two-
i skip ahead,
there really isn't any sense
in dwelling on
what's already been said-
we know it's both our mistake
and that the bloom of this candle
is also the end,
but yet,
the heart beats on quietly in the light
but more fiercely
as time reaches that hour-
no words,
but one breath
and i've never tasted life-
you're slamming-
you slice into my heart,
opened my eyes,
and my body aches after
your passion.
you cannot rip your soul
away from me
because i know
that those misplaced lips-
that lust
bore a connection
that even the night
cannot hide.
-alysia-

Friday, December 30, 2005
02:40 p.m.
unexpected,
i always thought-
dreamed
but never expected
the sun to light up
a smile like that.
you took my breath away-
charmed the tiger in my heart
and kept me dancing upon
your belief of moon beams.
love and logic collided
and stumbling-
you reached out and caught me
never held anything back
amazing me
with every quirk and
smile you placed upon me.
i've never been alive like that-
i've never smiled like that
and i don't think i could again.
those moments of stars,
only a summer could hold,
and it was that summer
that got cut by the cold
of your leaving
and the humanness that
led me to forget.
but now, it is i that has left
and it was us that
never got a good-bye.
so now as the winter chill sets in,
the stars pierce
my soul,
and your laughter rings in my ear
betraying me back to
the summer's wind
and your love-
i can't turn my back on that
but life shuts multiple doors
and ours is locked
with a misplaced key-
so think of me when your mind
is empty
dream of me when your heart
is gone-
turn to me when you
have no one else
and find me embraced
by you
when you close your eyes
and finally realize
our love has left.
-alysia-

Friday, December 30, 2005
02:37 p.m.
absence of the structure-
absence of all i've ever known.
infamiliarality breeds a stranger out of me
and it is you
that i'm no longer leaning on-
i can do this.
this-
life after love;
growing...learning
that, though whores have more fun-
i will not be yours,
nor will i be the housewife
you admire.
stand back,
i bite-
and this uncompromising will
only leads you farther down
the path of destiny-
alone.
i refuse to let you keep me-
i am my own.
-alysia-

Friday, December 30, 2005
01:54 p.m.
my nails,
do you feel them-
remember them digging into
your back with ecstasy?
well, you can take your skin
back-
i can't stand the way it feels
and blood is no longer
my drink of choice.
dare you?
i think not-
i've lost too many buttons over you
and the fierceness
doesn't curl my toes like it used to.
you're in a dreamland
if you think i'll crawl to you-
i'm off my knees
and won't be begging
for more.
-alysia-