Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Sunday, December 18, 2005
11:39 p.m.
lost- but i know where i'm going
and everything is just beginning
as i'm locked out.
not even noon
and the sun is out- prodding me
to change bloom::
i'm already the wrong color- and am
terrified of heights.
Those who know me
already know what the fall is about
but those who have forgotten
have just stepped out.
There is no net in my life- just a web
of foolish imagination
and heartbreak- my dreams have all
played out
and my friends are tired of the suspense.
There is no yesterday- no way
for me to begin today
because in this moment
it is tomorrow- and my wrath
has just begun::
i threw the stone too soon
and it isn't you that's bleeding- my memory
is broken- left confused
for the scattered spirit
to contemplate.
All logic is handed to me
but it is i that lies vivid- listening
to intuition- while birds
make play of another's
world- ended:: i'm just beginning
and the comfort
of the thorn is the only thing- pausing
to let this mania
through the doors of my mind.
-alysia-

Sunday, December 18, 2005
11:36 p.m.
Perfection,
it lays not in her eyes
of beauty,
nor in the seduction
of her lips.
The flaws may be hidden
but her soul never will.
The chemistry will never leave her,
the stubborn logic
will always stain
and it is by these scars
that her perfection
will never scare
but always amaze.
-alysia-

Sunday, December 18, 2005
11:31 p.m.
left over-
the rain doesn't reach my feet-
there is nothing but clouds in my mind today.
And the world keeps turning-
the rain falls over everyone
and me- i'm dry-
i have nothing else to give.
The emotional passion has fallen from me
as the dawn of reality
has finally startled me from my covers.
Today i am not on the right road
but logic resides in my footsteps
and it's one after another- straight ahead
the rain keeps falling
but i'm blind and cannot look back.
Today i am not who i want to be
but i am staying dry
and soon there will be no sun
and all logic will be fallen
as the stars
take my footprints and draw
the reality of my heart.
-alysia-

Sunday, December 18, 2005
07:51 p.m.
misled- i know i've misguided myself
but logic persists to keep
me moving
and the wind has only brought me
so far- to the end.
And the end is the one beginning
that i know.
the end is that sliver stuck in the skin
of an object unknown to me
but so know to the knife- stained
with blood- that it has made kin
deeper than the rotting leaves
of the past.
Beyond every whisper of my heart-
my mind has become everything
i am- and more than i could ever be,
because this, in reality-
is just another end.
-alysia-

Sunday, December 18, 2005
07:48 p.m.
so, this is it.
the it that every cross road
eventually turns to- the end
of my imgaination-
my creation of who i am
and now it's time to move on-
there's no where to go
and i can't stay here.
the misconceptions and dehydrated
dreams
have long forgotten me
and i can't force them to remember
a soul that's faded beyond
repair. This is the end of me
where suicide would taste sweet-
but the knife dandles beyond reach.

so, this is me-
the end of every thought
that was myself-
me.
-alysia-

Sunday, December 18, 2005
06:36 p.m.
The left-over past
only haunts the lingering memories
of all that i could have been.
My fault-
i'm sorry-
i should have never gave in
and loved you
but i did
and now it's my turn to taste
the burdens of
what might have never been.
-alysia-

Sunday, December 18, 2005
06:29 p.m.
held in space-
i'm caught between thoughts
and everything lies motionless-
for the first time in years
i breathe- secretly compelling
my heart to speak.
Through one bloom it does-
the battered petals sing it all,
the color guarded
wards off any motion
and then i blink.
rapid- i realize how i've covered
my life with the warmth
of deadlines and logic.
Each step forward is my happiness
but each step is hollow
and guarded by the same color
of my heart.
-alysia-