Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Friday, October 7, 2005
04:41 p.m.
i had forgotten you.
you and your grief.
the pain of losing me.
i guess you are still suffering-
it hurts to speak to me.
you fancy me leaving-
i'd be gone and out of sight.
but we both know that won't hide the love you felt.
we both know that the night is wat'll break you.

you aren't half the man i thought you were.
i pictured you logical and romantic.
swooping down to rescue me.

carry me away. fight for my love.

ha. you're a coward.
now finding yourself under a rock
and giving no reason to disguise it.
i'm not to blame for this.
for the way you've curled yourself into a ball-
that won't protect you.
all your anger. all your drinking.
nothing will take it away. nothing will help you.
face it.
ha. i know you won't.
your heart doesn't beat that way.
you are too perfect to have been hurt this way-
i can't stand it.
can't stand to look at you-
want to spit on your feet.
you could have never satisfied me.
-alysia-

Friday, October 7, 2005
04:36 p.m.
The Letter: an explaination

ashes, ashes
we all fall down.

i did not mean to fall frum that starbeam.
to become that mistress.
i didn't even turn to another's arms when you left me for another.
i dedicated myself to proving everyone wrong.

that was a long time ago now.
now i don't even remember our last kiss.
i still remember the first morning after you left me-
sumhow it stings less.
you're happy now...
kind of trying to dig yourself outta the hole you put yourself in.
but you're in love.
i congratulate you on that. i have not found another yet.

but sumwhere i found love in the chase.
in the charming of married hearts.

golf courses are memorable things now.

i didn't want to want him.
to feel his pulse.
to know his insecurities.
i never wanted to see the real him.
that only opened me up to wat i knew i would know.
i would fall for him. i would crave him.
i would be his lil secret.

i was the other woman who had tainted me.
i know this play.
i betray myself in the end.
-alysia-

Friday, October 7, 2005
04:32 p.m.
the pressure builds.
i know you're dreaming of me-
thinking of me when you kiss her.
you might not want to.
you might be trying to push me to the back of your mind.
or even out of your head
but i've already got you.

already stolen the moment.

it's hard to believe that after a certain amount of years
The commitment can just fade like that.
the wall of separation be built like that.
and frum wat-
a stranger's eyes.

i remember that it was you to make the first move.
it was you whose eyes were upon me-
you needed to get closer to the flame.
feel the passion.
could you see it in my eyes
replying to yours-
replying to your hungry soul.

you saw yourself in them.

couldn't resist.
and i can't blame you
me, sitting here
waiting for you like this.
waiting for the chance for me to get up
and walk away.
-alysia-