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Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:55 p.m.
Saying Goodbye
in the moment that the wine tastes too good-
i remember when the moments lasted
far too long- when there was no line
to separate my heart from my lust
and back again- in the moments of night
when the mountains linger in my mind-
in those quiet corners of my heart- i know you are there-
are here sitting with me- gazing out-
reaching out- holding me.
i smile in these moments. small and few
but enough to let me know it's okay
that i'm not wh i was to you- it's okay
that i've let loose my grip on the bottle- the passion
doesn't fade without the misuse of substances-
the passion doesn't end or die
just because you said goodbye.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:51 p.m.
Insignificant
empty- the way you left me- your voice
trailing and fallen- there's no more room
in this night for depression- for a rest-
for a breath of air. nothing- so why do i pick up the phone?
why must i sentence myself
to a death
that i already know i've lived- passed through-
gained. your love was always like that- a paper shredder
for documents too small to consume your mind with-
too insignificant
for anything other
than a sigh.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:42 p.m.
Drowning
i hate how time has aged this way- no concept
of love and the bitter shadows of hate- how
moments separate us
and neither of us wants to make a sound- afraid to break-
afraid to let go and actually admit
vulnerability. silly how the dust has settled this way- aging
and creeping forth
like the tombstone of past lovers have always been born
and carried by each of our souls- i know better-
and yet i'm still sitting here- still drowning-
refusing to whisper- refusing to forget
the moments when in night nothing was forbidden-
and we found each other swimming
within one another- pure and astounding-
like truth would never wish to get wet-
never wish to drown with us.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:37 p.m.
Speak up
hey speak up- i can't hear you-
can't stop this daydream
when you're smiling at me that way- speak up
ruin my mind- cause me to doubt- to realize
logic and ratinoality- speak up- let me hear
how you think- what you believe- tell me about money-
act like poverty doesn't matter- that AIDS is everyone else's fault.
hey speak up boy- i don't like the way you make
my heart flutter- my mind fluster- that way when you
look at me- speak up- ruin the pedestal
my soul is standing you upon- speak up- speak up-
destroy the creation of me.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:33 p.m.
Love you never made
believe in you- collect them all- these pieces
of my heart aren't very hard to find-
there's never more than a fragment and
a sliver of my mind.
go ahead and turn away- don't even worry
about stabbing the knife and turning-
i already know that pain and more won't
make it any worse. time is time
and distance will never fade- but go on believing
that this doesn't mean anything-
go on believing that you tried- there's nothing more
than empty promises
that you never said- and love that you never ever really made.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:32 p.m.
Here with me
silence- i can feel your breath on my skin,
the way your presence lingers over me-
through me- how air tastes sweet
and your kisses even better- the night falls over me
and i don't need to be sad remembering--- you're right here with me.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:16 p.m.
Moments in sand
those moments written in sand- words
i've rhymed and tried so hard to keep true-
missions failed and aborted- loves found
and discarded- i dont' like the feel of these chains
even if they're wrapped in diamonds
and sworn forever true-
that's not it. that's not what my heart beats for- longs for-
it's too busy out in the sun- dancing- singing in the rain-
finding new reasons to draw
and create- the anticipation doesn't kill me
and doesn't hold me tight- i know this may be forever-
but that forever may just last a day- a week-
a fever's moment
fall in a hell's paradise.
i know these moments are sand and won't last-
the water is always changing- revolving-
allowing me to fall closer to you-
and that's alright- the sun is still here
with threats of rain
and promises kept true- i'll never turn from you-
but the waves
may not want it that way- so don't pause-
don't let the tears threaten and separate us in different ways-
these seams aren't meant to be kept forever-
time is angery and not ours to paint upon- open your soul
and come dance with me- make your own imprints-
find the sseds that will carr you through- know that i'm not going to
carry you- but i will be here beside you- smiling up at you-
wanting to hold your hand-
wanting to be there
for all these moments in sand-
no matter how few.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:11 p.m.
Holes
there are holes in her skin-
within her soul- they've been self-inflicted
self-made and beaten into her by choices
she made and allowed- there have been many
treading upon this flesh- taking what they needed
forgetting all the rest-
she's turned her back on all the times she made herself bleed-
the reasons
and trusts she used to swim in-
they're nothing now but past memories
slowly floating past graves
and in throughout the daisies she's never found
and planted- plucked, their petals have been
but the answer always lays
empty- consuming more of her soul
than you would ever allow-
that would ever know- because there she is dreaming-
absorbing the pain
that won't ever let go- that won't ever go away.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:09 p.m.
Surprise, you find me here
fallen outside- hidden pathways and broken hearts-
misplaced letters
that were never meant to be sent- there were never any more words-
no more lies
could fall from this mouth
and i'm stunned. gazing upward towards this mirror-
the shards of glass
not dressing me dearly- instead firing
the parts that i so desperately want to hide- surprise, you find me here.
months later- years of protesting
and forcing my way through the bloodstream- the blood always plain-
the blood always plain.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
08:06 p.m.
In Remembrance
caught up in the silent whisper
i'm fallen
and yet standing still-
remembering the nights- the exchanges
between us. the sweetness
of distance and longing- how it made
time irrelevant
and annoying.
how it bound my soul to a fear
i never thoguth was possible-
me, being exposed like this,
i'm not used to being undressed this way
and am shy and new in your presence-
a time and mirror
that i've never watned to own, but yet here i am-
remembering pasts and lovers
like they were a fairy tale written for another's heart-
all that blood shed surely can't still be me--- not when i'm sitting here
wrapped up in the warmth of loneliness
and remembrance of your kisses.
-alysia-
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