Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:53 p.m.
More than lust; he lingers
with the promise of her body
and all the passions unravelling and holding it tight-
he lingers.
steps forth to catch her when she falls-
he lingers.
holding her tight
and clasping her hand. making her believe
it's his heart
that's throbbing and thirsty for her lyfe. for her love.
for her body- he lingers.
the way she sways and moves and captures the smile
of strangers. he lingers.
through the talking of pains and heartache-
pretends to be the gentleman with gentle. sincere
intentions-
he lingers.
he lingers dragging that blade deeper. slower
across her veins.
making her believe in love
and true promis. and forget about the tendencies of night--
he lingers
holding his hands against her throat
and kisses her lips. caresses her soul-
he lingers
because he's hungry for more. more than lust
can permit. more than lyfe and the blood
that she'll eventually spill-
he lingers.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:50 p.m.
Princess of the living dead
the morning dust arises from her eyes-
her mind still clouded by dreams. lusts that will never
be forgiven.
there has always been more than one place
for her heart to be. and no one
discouraging her from living that way-
hard to say no
to an angel's face
with a devil's perseverance.
hidden by the awakening light,
she rolls over and smiles shyly at the corpse next to her-
lyfe was too fragile anyway.
and day will only promise
the heat of someone warm--
death never really did become her
but she's always found walking away- tears in her eyes,
an angel on her sleeve-
the princess
to all the dead that can still breathe.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:47 p.m.
Didn't fit
she clucks her tongue
muttering something about buying toilet paper
when they all go out for groceries again.
clucks her tongue
when she hears the news-
entwists her spirit
in the morbidity of it all-
scoffs at myne.
i heard one time
that i didn't fit.
didn't fit her ideas. her morals.
her plans.
i never fought her on that-
i didn't want to fit
and couldn't imagine me fitting anyone's plans---even that ring
is gone now. all the memories
of lyfe and how the bitterness
burned and chained her through those diamonds- it's all gone
and now here she is with the lyfe she finally wants.
she's finally smiling, busy renovating-
busy getting rid of the reminders of me
and him and how we weren't in the plans-
never in the plans
of princes and marriages
and the swept up curls of virgins.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:45 p.m.
Wonder
she sits up late thinking to herself-
the stars have all cloaked themselves
in paint
and images
to scare away the dead-
as if the living were rot with incurable disease
and things unknown to those holier than us.
wings
are meant to be broken
and mended
in moments of truth
and passion
where there's nothing
but the sun watching-
covering us in sin
and the innocent waves
of lust
and wonder.
wonder-
as if a stone's heart
could really be created this big.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:44 p.m.
Her dreams are all of you
she sings softly- confiding in herself,
in her loneliness.
the darkness doesn't cover it all.
not when the dreams are all of you-

and the dreams
never include her.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:40 p.m.
Between the sheets of time she found she's going to be a grandmother
she calls and it's been years since
i've heard her voice.
too much has happened-
her wings are torn.
drugs. sex. fights. lies that create a monster
on the inside.
she has struggled. fallen. thrown things in anger
and realized just what was right-
she found out she's going to be a grandmother
and somehow through the chains
she broke free of him,
free of herself
covered in cocaine.
and now she's there
on the other end of the phone
speaking to me of all of this- how lyfe rarely waits
for us to be ready.
and she's doing better now,
attending to her wounds
instead of covering up
and wishing for true love with all the promises
of baby and parcels
that carry you into the future.
she returned to her roots, she tells me-
to a place where they used to grow up.
she visited where her memories lie
and shomehow it's changed- time didn't preserve it
the way her heart did.
but there she is standing on the beach,
watching the waves,
knitting for this lil bundle
as she's let go the thoughts of her own.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:39 p.m.
Pain
she grates her nails down his chest.
causing him a pain
that he's never been causing her.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:35 p.m.
loneliness
loneliness
won't ever be more
than a scar
that i've tried to hide. cover up. bruise.
do everything i could
to deny its worth
and how much you leaving me really cost.
the pride i swallowed
and the words i ate- i still remember
the way you left
twisting the knife
as you told me about her
and how her body was warmer- myne just appeared a corpse to you-
something not meant for loving.
i showed you- after. found. tormented men
that thought they could tame me.
could corrupt this angel
they envisioned me as.
you leaving with her,
while our bed was still warm- that's the true loneliness
that still haunts my night.
the reason why this heart
holidays were much better
with the family left alone
and the disdain
of true love and soul mates discovered---i could never
hide the hurt
that your scars
had left me with.
loneliness began born
that spring morning-
covered in snow.

leave me when you left me.
beg it to never be.
-alysia-

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:30 p.m.
A Good Night
burying herself in the playful humour-
the thoughts of showering
and just what
a true love means- nothing to her.
her mind has long left it-
left the dreams
of nothingness
and marriage
and chapels full of children and family of god.
beneath her smile,
nothing is what it seems
except truth
and the true meaning of herself- just her.

fantasizing is so overrated,
so overdone
and not something she prides herself in doing.
there is more to lyfe
than wasting it away dreaming
of what can never be--
that step that's outta reach
when the altar is one you left behind.

given up in frustration so many years ago
she finds herself slow and shy
and dreaming of him...
but realistically of course---
how much is it to ask for
a shower and a good night?
-alysia-

Sunday, March 19, 2006
05:29 p.m.
Dreaming Of You
falling to whispers in her mind,
she finds herself drifting
softly humming-
dreaming of you.
-alysia-