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Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:50 p.m.
Supposed to
you don't love me like you used to- like it used to be
before that word was even mentioned-
i'm not even dreaming in the same way- your touch
is so far away- so cold- and even
distance feels warmer than your embrace-
you don't love me like you used to- when you were
free and wandering through my spirit-gathering
information- pulling through with butterflies
and misconceptions- you don't love me the way you did
when we fought- when you cursed my existence
knowing that you'd never stand a chance- and
never wanted to lose me- i can't lose you-
you're right here under my skin
not loving me the way you were supposed to be.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:48 p.m.
With You
pedestals- the same last name-
rings and watches and anniversaries
that's all supposed to mean the same- to mean the world
but i'm here alone.
wrapped up in your essence smiling
but here alon.
i know you're phoning me- asking the right questions-
letting me be wrapped up in your amrs-
in the privacy of just one another-
but i'm here alone.
within this night- within your arms- i cry and am alone.
and maybe it's my own doing-
maybe the knife falls this way with karma-
restoring the balance-
but i'm not going anywhere-
i'm not tying you down- i'm not trying to be your
goddess
and the one you'll forever love. i just want to be me- just want to be here
with you- not alone- but with you.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:40 p.m.
She is
she's the kinda gurl that cries-
cries at the lil things
like sappy movies and the goodness of humanity-
it doesn't happen a lot but she knows- she knows who she is-
that it's okay to cry- to open to the vulnerability of needing people-
even though the people she needed all her life
were never there.
she's the kinda person who sings in the shower- plays with her hair
when deep in thought- dresses up for a friday evening all alone.
all alone, she's always felt- always been surrounded
by people who love her and are outstretching their arms
to catch her when she falls- she jumps a lot- doesn't check
for a parachute or the distance towards the end- she just does-
and doesn't offer any excuses.
she's cornered- deceived by life and love- she's made those vows-
promises with rings and a true love that will always last-
she still has the marks on her forearm- forbidding her from taking her own life-
from offering up her own blood- it is blood that she bleeds-
she knows this and doesn't sit on pretences that keep her there-
she just stays there.
smiling- offering up her soul and silly tears
for the silly pleasures in life-
she could quite possibly fall for you- begin to know you-
enter into your shadows and the lines between
the darkness in mirrors- she'll never forget you- maybe let you down-
but she'll be true.
truer beyond any promise she'll make to you- beyond any love
that has been vowed to you. she'll be.
she'll be because she is.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:35 p.m.
Looking back
bridging the opposites- entangled
and growing messy- she steps forth-
falls a lil more- begins to know the difference
between forever
and forever moer.
there's nothing within these eyes-
scars and shadows of tears
that won't ever linger longer
than her heart allows- and ther'es no room for new material-
a new mind to linger-
she's already wrapped up in you- gazing forth
and brightening her day
with just a smile-
just a smile
and a memory of what never really did change.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:32 p.m.
Why
she smiles- returns to the moments- the days
when he was this guy,
and falling for her.
the falling of leaves and presents
and times that will never return
to their actual positions- never begin
to understand
the abruptness of pain
and the sadness in losing hope- losing ground.
things steady and uncertain
now only lay puzzling
and without the distance
she is left wondering why--
and never going to end up hearing the answer.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:21 p.m.
Bends in lies and spirit
there are questinos in her mind-
stories and pieces of her being
that she would never lie about- hide from-
destroy.
there are fragmnets that follow
her around within her shadow- lile
stones left thrown and never to return.
these are the bits of her soul that she brings to you-
moments and possibilities that wouldn't mean
more than a passing wave of the hand- the breaking
of her heart.
but it is morning and she's smiling- it's morning
and she's leaning- thinking- wondering-
falling curious into your shadows- your shades of gray
and your littered being.
there's much more than everything within her voice
and she knows you know-
so why do you turn away? refuse her- reject her presence-
her crying knees that are so tired of pleading-
tired of releasing her soul
into another man
who's got no home- no security beyond
the chains
that he wants her to hold- the rings and promises
of dreams- there's nothing whole in that-
nothing binding her to the promises of forever and
the memory of bends in lies and spirit
are what are holding her down- holding her here-
afraid to move and make the next step.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:16 p.m.
To a gurl named days
to a gurl named days,
he vomits his love- protests his being-
his image in her name.
to a woman named days,
he leaves- vows to return never
and continues on his way- his path
of self-destruction
with a firm mind
of separation and motivation- the truer things in life-
the riches and practicalities.
to each of their spirits he spells out his name-
closes his eyes-
but never really lets go.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:14 p.m.
Missed
i don't remember the last words
you said to me- i just remember
feeling you walking away- me driving away
into the distance- far into the distances
that would separate us- that would hold us
from one another like no word like love existed-
no nights and clear mountains
ever painted upon us.
i don't remember our goodbye or final kiss-
i just remember
waking up knowing what we missed.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:12 p.m.
Rolling over
lingering is that moment- those few silent thoughts
floating over my skin- found in those seconds
between us that morning- any morning
as i reached out
and you rolled over.
that being that.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
09:05 p.m.
Running to a stranger
when the glass is empty- i'm hungry for more-
thirst for more pain- more commitment-
more than i've ever given. gave.
and you wonder why i run away-
there's nothing to be afraid of-
just boredom and a slowly rotting mind-
not much new
in a place full of strangers
that i've walked within and around for years.
-alysia-
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