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Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
07:59 p.m.
Young wishes
she hangs up the phone
and in the silence
she can her her own soul ring- there's nothing more
but walls surrounding her- paint covering her-
is this really the way of the spirit?
sly and removable? ---it seems kinda empty-
spun with color and littered with gray- years of
work in solitude hae laced her tears-
mopped up the fragments
of her heart- she long ago forgot what she
was thinking when she said she'd love that boy
forever- not knowing that in society it equals a day- a moment
caught in a lie- spun with the fabrication of everything
you've ever wanted- never needed- always hoped.
she hangs up the phone
and she realizes that she's alone- within the night-
within the days drowning in coffee and incense-
things that keep her alive- and needing- and consuming.
she hangs up the phone
and in her mind she sees herself-
views that mirror and you're not standing behind her-
not holding her-
you've just become this voice on the other end- empty
and hollow
like the young wishes of her past lovers.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
07:57 p.m.
Over the grave
with ill promises she begins-
tastes the wind
and continues eating dirt-
filling her soul
with the rubbish that she is so accustom to.
the feel upon her skin
no longer makes her cringe- instead,
she feels herself longing
for the sleaziness- the young males
in bathroom stales- the widows weeping
at funerals
over an unfaithful lovers grave.
she laughs as she hears the cats howl-
nothing can faze her tonight-
not those roses-
definitely not the promises of love and forever.
the day begins as night intertwines
with madness
and there's nothing more
past her souls death
that she wouldn't try.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
07:54 p.m.
Message in the bottle (for ian)
the message in the bottle-
the one he's been trying to find-
drowning himself-
if only he'd stop reaching
stop drowning-
clouding the fire-
adding fuel-
allowing the empties to pile up-
he's building a castle of his own,
shutting out who he started building for.
the words i love you
aren't the fix anymore-
not when love smashes the bottles
and demands more.
i'm not a stranger to those shards-
the jagged jade glass mirrors.
i've felt many of them closer than my own soul
but none of his
feel familiar anymore
and i'm not one to play house
when the glass bottle is the prize for the game.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
07:52 p.m.
Peachy
i'm still awake,
wrapped in a blanket.
mind going a thousand thoughts per second.
i have to work tomorrow-
it would be nice to feel sleep upon my eyes.
i guess that's what i get for wishing to be human.
things lately, have not been going as planned.
my sister suffers from the night-
from the diamond afraid of the coal.
my other sister just keeps popping pills-
an endless cure for the designs of her disease.
my great-grandfather has made his final step-
the lasting impression that won't get to me yet.
and everything has been peachy keen
for me and my mental state.
peachy freaking keen,
while eating strawberry yoghurt-
it's all in my mind,
and they are threatening to take over.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
07:50 p.m.
Covering me
hidden by dim light,
my scars dance
and his fingers linger over my body-
he loves my skin.
the way it moves
and flows through his pulse-
he doesn't mention the gashes.
the places where my skin has tried to hang on,
tried to heal itself.
he loves the color,
the texture.
his mouth lingers longer
and even with my heart racing
i can still clearly envision
all the blood
that's covered me.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
07:46 p.m.
That Beast Isn't Me
yes, that's me on my fridge- also in the frame on the tv.
most pictures have my tongue out
and a smile within my eyes-
i wonder if that's how you'll remember me.
my mom sends me lil cards with inspirations inside-
the societal acceptance of one's self-
i wonder if she thinks i'll start believing it and abandon my kraziness.
abandon my lil basement suite,
with two rooms full of painting, sculpting, and papers of poetry.
abandon the dark imagery
that i think creates a beast that people can actually feel.
that beast isn't me.
i'm still on the fridge sticking out my tongue and smiling
i'm still working until my arthritis freezes up my fingers-
i'm still smiling,
and it's in my eyes.
that beast isn't me- look closer, you might see
that the blood i paint with is more than what you may think-
it's more of a life source
than a sign of defeat in life and all its likeness.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
07:44 p.m.
Her
she don't tell me to
pick up the laundry-
the socks that i peel off as soon as i get home.
she barely whispers
when i'm singing loudly in my car,
in the shower,
in the middle of a silly song playing on the radio.
she barely breathes
when i'm smiling
and my mind is krazy and bouncing off
in curly waves---
but in night.
in night she rains over top of me.
covers me completely.
keeps me from getting too out of control.
keeps me away from the white lines
that i so desperately want to draw upon the mirror.
in the night,
it is her that de-fears the beast.
the blood
that's so thirsty for air
and it's her
that i know
is the true strength of my being
and it is her
that's never seen. but always wished upon.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
07:42 p.m.
You wouldn't ever know
tears flowing
passing my navel
falling to the floor
crystals that i've never felt before
slicing my body
creating a stream of blood
overflowing
and yet none of it compares
to the sight
within your eyes-
your heart lying in the middle of this room
barely beating
and gasping for breath.
all the blood in the world wouldn't save it now-
all the blood couldn't cure me now.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
07:37 p.m.
This way. This way.
she sits there.
objects unknown.
feelings that are beyond walls
and beyond meanings
to whatever she thinks it is that creates herself this way.
II
this way. smile this way.
dance. laugh.
be that flame risen from ashes.
be brilliant
born of pain
and suffering. reign over those who used to control you.
be bound and find the way out.
smile. smile. smile this way.
begin.
set out.
learn and laugh and love
and find yourself staring out.
glaring out from under your hair-
pinned up. don't let go.
smile. this way. smile
don't rush and go slow.
twist the knife when he finds it all just a show.
twist the knife.
twist it this way.
III
come with me.
find this ring and bind it to your soul.
it's the meaning of life.
true love
and the reason for roses
and doves
and everything you spent your life wishing for.
this way. move this way.
believe this way.
she's created you. he's created you.
this is how and why you are. who youare.
this way. this way.
with this metal.
this ring.
melting into your skin.
burning.
it'll never hurt the way the truth does.
this way. this way.
this way it'll never come out
because true love does it this way.
this way.
-alysia-
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