Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Sunday, January 8, 2006
09:48 p.m.
the memories
of the water,
the waves
that used to kiss
her feet.
delicately,
she used to place her
footprints in the sand
back in her memory-
she can see all this,
she can feel all this.
a tear slips
down her cheek
because she misses that happiness
even though
she knows she
has happiness here too
she still wants to live
back then
in her memories.
-alysia-

Sunday, January 8, 2006
09:46 p.m.
my loneliness
is all up to me
my happiness
and my pain-
the same thing.
so i choose to smile
and think of the past
only when i need to.
i choose to not listen
to you
because you don't want me
to be who
i want to be.
-alysia-

Sunday, January 8, 2006
09:43 p.m.
did you notice when i turned my back on life
without a final tear
or good-bye?
did you care when the rain fell
and you had no knowledge
because you told me so?
did all the regrets you live with
suddenly lift
when i released the scarlet tears
that held me back?
that hand that used to steady me
well, i just pushed it away-
i don't care to drink of life anymore

not with the constant reminders
not without the love
that used to burn deep into my flesh

creating the scars
that kept me there.
-alysia-

Sunday, January 8, 2006
09:41 p.m.
a dark cloudy sky
makes irony
a reality.
it was just yesterday
that we stood
and looked upon
the sunny world,
as if we were the only ones
alive.
it was just yesterday
that you left,
afraid to turn your back
on me
and i saw
that hope
of something more
in your eyes
as we hugged
good-bye
for the final time.
-alysia-

Sunday, January 8, 2006
09:40 p.m.
all that i haven't seen
you showed me
with one single
kiss.
all that i had to know
you taught me
with just a single
word.
but now will all
that i feel
i haven't gotten anywhere
because my mind
is off somewhere
in a memory with
you.
my happiness slowly
drains
but then boosts
with every thought of
you.
someone
who isn't here
with me
like you said it should be.
-alysia-

Sunday, January 8, 2006
09:36 p.m.
the whispers
the promises
every word you ever said to me-
the dreams
the memories
the future we had planned.

you turning your back.

the hole gets torn larger
no more will i will myself to be good.
for, good in your eyes
is a hell to me
and for me

instead i'll lie here
in agony
instead i'll live without you
but always wanting you
in a crazed insane, fighting way

the hell that i've endured
for the last two years
is beyond a hell's paradise

but still i know
i love you

this knowledge tearing a fuking hole in
my heart
and planting the seed of insanity to
forever remain.
-alysia-

Sunday, January 8, 2006
09:35 p.m.
we're too good
to be apart
i hardly know anything
and i want you to
teach me
like you taught me
yesterday
in the morning light.
the promise you made
i know will be kept
but i worry because
i cannot imagine
going on
without you.
-alysia-

Sunday, January 8, 2006
09:32 p.m.
twisting,
unable to sleep
as a song rolls around
in my head,
this has happened before
and i know it.
but it's too late to
stop it now,
i don't want to pull away.
the happiness
will only fade
and even though i know that
our worlds will separate us,
and drag me through
hell,
i keep smiling
and falling so deeply
in love
with you.
-alysia-