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Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.
Saturday, March 4, 2006
10:03 a.m.
Passion beneath the skin
the sun moves slowly- day following time-
i'm tired of these moments of true love-
passions that get beneath your skin- i'm tired-
don't you move- i'll gladly leave.
but look closely as i walk away- there is not true love
within these steps- no ill intentions-
no forever together- and love so thick
that it chokes the flowers out- what's the point- they're fallen dead already.
and i know you see those petals- have had a few fallen in your path-
things you've said to me-
they catch me off guard- you challenge me more than the art-
and have brought to light
things i've never wanted to have sight. but here they are- plainly-
at large-
don't just let me walk away-
because i will- can- and have
and the ending is never one
that you'll be able to forget.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 4, 2006
10:01 a.m.
If these shoes fit right...
covered in paint. she smiles gently.
unaware of herself- covered in blue-
and without socks.
these are the shoes she likes to wear-
thinks it's sexy when it reains- and believes that the dances with
stars are the real magic within the night.
she wonders if you think of her. think of it.
think of any of it.
her hair falling in her face- the grins and silliness
that she thinks is so necessary in life.
in a lyfe she's never been afraid to lead-
she looks at her feet- wondering about days
and millions of words typed-
she wonders if these shoes fit right.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 4, 2006
09:59 a.m.
This home
sucking back reality- she begins-
so casually-- speaking of her parents
and the past they made for her-
the home they built for her to lie in-
for them all to lie.
cheating was never the only way-
but as she slowly- carefully
plucks the words from air-
her smile is cautious and genuine- calm-
unreflective of fact. that's what she feels-
nothing but everything
in this home
that she long ago left-
forgetting to turn the page.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 4, 2006
09:53 a.m.
Trying to leave you
you'd think with all that realness-
the blood no longer over-spilling and being left
for the dog to clean off the floor-
you'd think with the way she makes sure
the sheets stay the same-
and that there's no other bed for her to lie in.
you'd think that maybe she'd fall in love again-
well, not love because that wold mean giving of herself-
and she's been on her knees for too long
and knows what that word truly means-
hidden meetings. multiple lovers.
each laced with the sweet kisses of
true love forevermore.
you'd think that after all this. that after getting up from that-
you'd think she'd learn how to say
wait
and really mean that she's turning and pausing-
not trying to leave you.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 4, 2006
09:46 a.m.
i don't know
and through the words- the turning
of waves through her heart- time beats
a different way-
and with all the thoughts of logic and rationality-
she realizes that a river's path
is never wrong-
but why does it have to twist like this? twist back
and break her heart- in the same moment-
so many times.
there's never a settled rock-
just a bottomless question
that she'll be forever answering i don't know to.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 4, 2006
09:42 a.m.
i'll never forget
i'm never going to forget it-
the endless i love yous
and the pains of rape
and a lyfe you've never been true in.
i'm never going to forget it-
the way his heart pulsed
and the tears ran down my face-
or how about the time where i wasn't even old enough-
and still wanted to die.
or when the pain returned again years later-
and i was so scared-
so scared that even in memory i don't remember
how i began to be so terrified.
how did i get so terrified?
i don't even remember if i screamed- if i tried to scream-
what use are screams
in this world gone mad with hollywood
and panic anyway?
i'm never going to forget it- no matter how many drugs
they push at me-
i'll still be holding my tongue
and wondering if maybe he'll be the next one.
the next one to turn
and inflict a kind of pain that i'll never again forget.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 4, 2006
09:36 a.m.
Falling Curious
i've seen that glance before- felt that gaze.
seemed to find fingers
falling all over the place-
been swept up in kisses- wouldn't trade all the stories
for fragments of my heart
that i know i'll never get back- but the misses isn't who
i am- not waht i desire- not what i'm looking for-
i don't want to be your dream gurl
and the one you're so certain you're going to marry- end up with-
spend forever and ever spinning in this circle---surely i'll vomit.
surely i will disappoint-
look at this skin that you are so eagerly touching-
it's only flesh- and there have been others in your position-
i've had honey poured on my mind- things said
that wouldn't ever be vowed by angels-
that's not what i expect-
that's not what i'm drawing in this picture- i'm just simply
opening my eyes to you- simply looking at this spirit
in such awe and a smile comes across my face-
into my eyes-
i feel that sparkle.
and i don't mean it to scare you- i don't mean for these scars
to bind you-
i'm not looking for a ring on my finger
or a promise of forever---i'm just being me- falling curious into you.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 4, 2006
09:34 a.m.
Seeds
exhausted after another day- does the pain
really turn this way-
falling petals- and the death of roses...
and yet you think nothing of it-
continue on- bring more seeds to the table-
what is death more than life staring in the mirror?
surely, you'd see more than your image in the same.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 4, 2006
09:28 a.m.
Keep Whispering to me babe
a smile lingers in my eyes-
memories
of moments in the night- in the passionate
gasps- breath overcoming my body
in ways that has never been before- that step
often one
i never wanted to take- preferred hiding
in the whore's closet with self-inflicted wounds- look up
i'm undressing for you- my skin aglow with
the thought of you- and the blood running
within your own veins- step close- bite softly-
don't want to let loose the tendencies of chains-
instead release- beginnings- and soft murmurs
kept whispered until morning.
-alysia-
Saturday, March 4, 2006
09:18 a.m.
Morning
mornings surprise- when things change and turn-
and always stay the same.
falling for them
always was her regret- but she can't
be forced to remember- there are lines
she still has to go through- images in the mirror
that she doesn't want to believe.
but mornings still surprise her
when instead of a corpse waking to day-
there lays someone who knows
more about her
with the least amount of knowledge of who she really is-
there lies someone
who will love her
no matter what choices she's made-
he knows she's addicted to coffee- to smiling-
and it's okay.
in mornings it's okay.
-alysia-
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