Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Friday, October 7, 2005
09:06 p.m.
Real-
it's really you standing in that light
your eyes framed by shadow,
your arms open.
i can hear you quietly breathing,
rushed as if you don't want to make a sound
Your cologne lingers softly upon the air
it reaches me
and i softly smile and blush,
in remembrance of that fragrance
deep within the nights you would hold me.
Carefully i step forward
enter the light
my breath held
everything is so quiet
so patient in my mind.
there is no ending here-
the beginning long forgotten.

I need you,
like the pulse within my heart.
i can feel your soul rising as you press against me.
The sweetness of our kiss fills me-
fills the night
until daylight and the rude awakening of the sun.
wat once was reality,
is now only hidden in the promise of a dream.
-alysia-

Friday, October 7, 2005
08:57 p.m.
i'm dripping.
i notice it slowly.
notice the blood pouring frum me.
frum my soul.
i don't remember when it began.
when you left me in the cold.
in the dark.
i remember looking up and seeing not the stars,
but the moon.
the stillness of it.
the coolness of it.

the night air calms me.
captures me.
i cannot stand.
there is no pain left,
and yet i cannot move.
there is no life here.

only revenge.
my heart beats for it.
consumes small night creatures for it.
i don't know wat i'm angry at.
i don't know who slashed back at me.
who stabbed and left me for those who feed upon me.

they become addicted.
i know it.
they are afraid of it.
but they can't say not to me.
cannot say no to my song.

and i sit here singing,
carefully placed notes
carefully sung words.
you cannot know me.
You cannot even begin to understand me-
there is nothing but this song. these long sad notes.
the melody that gets inside your head and feeds on you.
this is me.

the blood is slowly becoming thick.
it will soon consume me and take my breath.
there's nothing else left for me to see.
there's nothing more for me than these words.
there was never a real you.
i should have woken to that idea years ago.
but i was too stubborn and couldn't believe in a world like that.
foolish.
i should never have believed.
i should never had ideas and morals

they only feed upon you in the end.
-alysia-

Friday, October 7, 2005
08:42 p.m.
you annoy me.
i don't think you know that.
know me.
there isn't anyone home.
why can't i just move on and forget you?
i have no desire to touch you.
to see you.
to hear your perfectly lovely voice telling me that you're sorry-
you couldn't have hurt me.
you're the one lying.
bleedingin in the dark.
clutching yourself in the corner as if you are the only thing you know.
you don't know anything.
i could rip open that wound.
tear your flesh so that it burns.
it would kill you.
create you whole and bleeding.
the blood loss painting all over the floor.
but i don't think i could kill you-
i don't think i want you dead...
-alysia-