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Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.
Friday, October 21, 2005
06:46 p.m.
unpacking.
i overturned a box.
went thru some things.
mostly papers
and sketches
and articles that used to make up
who i used to be.
in between one of those folders
carelessly folded
fell a letter
reading the date made me hold my breath.
february 28th 2001.
this really couldn't be the letter-
the reminder-
the pair to the matching scars in my mind.
it was.
and now it still hurts to breathe.
i don't want to throw it away.
am skay.
and cannot even begin to understand
the beginning to my end.
-alysia-
Friday, October 21, 2005
06:41 p.m.
the colors surround her
and yet none can conceal.
none can fill in the blanks
that she keeps erasing
all these years.
so much effort is in the fight.
she used to tell me.
she used to talk
and her eyes would light up.
she'd look so alive.
looking at her now
you wouldn't ever guess
you wouldn't ever see
the ghost
in your presence.
pale skin.
falling
faded eyes.
the grays only consume her soul
and there's no more thorns
sticking out
to grab hold of her
shamelessness.
it's been the death of her.
it's been the life of her.
and she can't even begin
to try 'n' lift her mind
to the aspects of wat she could have been.
swallowing the pills.
she just returns to line up more.
she doesn't know wat the colors
and lines
add up to anymore.
guess she lost the excuse
when she found
wat she was looking for.
-alysia-
Friday, October 21, 2005
06:31 p.m.
you look at me with those eyes,
stare at me frum under you hair
and i can feel it
feel you gaze
burning me.
realizing me.
and i've never felt undressed this way.
never felt as if i should hide these scars.
find shame
in nakedness.
in the piling of clothes
on the floor.
but you gaze eats into me-
creates me covered in blue paint.
a color
you were never really fond of
and i'm sorry
you've never liked me this way.
realy.
shameless.
naked
and trembling at the thought of your touch.
weak wasn't ever wat you thought you wanted
and you smiling at me
won't ever create me strong-
won't ever color upon this wind,
shattered by the storm of a soul.
-alysia-
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