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Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.
Friday, October 21, 2005
06:27 p.m.
the reason i never said goodbye was that i didn't want it to end
his words
broken
fall upon my ears
and it's as if i've heard them
for the eleventh time
when i know
it's the twelveth.
and the counting
doesn't change
anything.
he's going to keep seeing me.
keep dreaming
and reaching out.
his habits
falling onto
broken words.
he doesn't know
my blood
already bleeds this way.
my heart
has already
tasted the pain
and i don't live
in bitterness.
i don't like
the way it colors on me.
taints me
as if i'm human
and this is only
just a broken heart.
-alysia-
Friday, October 21, 2005
06:24 p.m.
too afraid to lose you.
your sharpnes
doesn't make me
bleed
and that absence
surprises me
and astonishes
you
as you stand before me
knife
dangling in hand.
you were never one
for losing games.
thought they were
for children.
and those weak
of heart.
you never had
the patience
for disease
and i could never
start
being the gurl
falling apart.
-alysia-
Friday, October 21, 2005
06:18 p.m.
a brief moment.
stopping.
breathing.
it's hard for me to imagine.
to dream.
i've never painted this way.
always ended up with
more color
on my mind
than my soul.
you never did like
the beginning.
thought it was too sappy
and predictable.
it got under your skin
and made you crawl- - -
you were never one
to stand on your knees
always wanted to be known
as strong
strength
always was
your weakness.
-alysia-
Friday, October 21, 2005
06:12 p.m.
it feels as if i've been asleep
for days. As if there's this film coating-
covering me.
i know it's you. Sumhow you've broken thru
this skin and are now exploring parts of me
that have hardly seen the light before.
i have appeared in my truest form- no makeup;
painting if front of you. Showing you that yes,
these are the pieces that i hide frum- these
are the parts that i like hiding frum the
world.
i am slowly undressing in front of a mirror-
carefully lifting my head- trying not to lower my
gaze.
i've played this game before and have become really
good at winning-
my tactics are quite dirty 'n' covered in blood,
but i am found still breathing and sumwat shy.
you have uncovered the piece of shell that is
unable to tell any lies- and it's very much
alive
and barely able to move without agaony- it's
been a long time.
please don't walk away. i know the pace is
slow and the burn quick and painful but
i'm walking forward- moving closer and am
starting to reach out to you.
i've never been very fond of conforming- nor
giving in.
please have patience- it's been too long since
i've open myself like this- it's been too long
since my heart has smiled like this.
i haven't had much practice with giving myself
and am afraid of losing my identity.
afraid of losing to you.
-alysia-
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