|
Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.
Friday, October 7, 2005
08:31 p.m.
i am you first love.
wat she felt to you.
wat she meant to you.
i can tell that you think of her when you look at me.
most men do.
they see me.
my smile. my face. and they see her.
remember her.
sumtimes they draw nearer,
wanting to run away.
first loves are never innocent
they always burn
and the pain never starts to decay
it's that one time you stepped out without even thinking.
gave of yourself
and never held back.
i remind you of that.
my spirit is of that,
but i am her.
i am that first love.
i'll make you want to step out.
jump off that rock.
come crashing into me and my love.
i'll make you want to risk everything
just for a few more seconds with her-
with that first love-
that pain that will never die.
-alysia-
Friday, October 7, 2005
08:24 p.m.
do you remember me?
sumhow seeing you makes my heart skip a beat.
in fear maybe.
i never said goodbye-
never really wanted to but didn't know wat to say.
i'm sorry that i left-
how i left with junior and that mix tape you made me.
i'm still in love.
still listen to it and think of you.
wistfully remember our walk to the creek bottom.
where the bugs were and me wearing sandals and your red pullover.
you were so much taller than me.
i think you could have rested your chin on the top of my head-
i smile when think of this,
of when you led me away frum everyone to talk to me.
you could read my eyes
and told me you could see how sumone could be upset
with not dating me and all-
i was surprised by this.
by the way i wanted to feel your kiss.
i felt it a lot.
and sumtimes i still do-
in memory.
i still remember brutally murdering the ants
and how you'd try and save them.
and how you loved the matrix.
and movies. and hanging out with your band.
i think i was jealous of them.
i didn't know that then.
i wasn't the greatest to you
i know that.
you were so full of creativity.
of life.
i couldn't compare to you.
everything was strategic.
i couldn't fully see you.
didn't know wat i was to you.
you were smarter than me.
and i was falling.
i was a lil gurl krazy about you-
a lil gurl that left you and everything she'd ever known.
i know she never meant to hurt you.
-alysia-
Friday, October 7, 2005
08:17 p.m.
Dialouge of Realized Love
pent up energy.
i feel too alive.
too blah.
too real.
this is amazing.
real.
wat real feels like.
i've been searching for this.
the maintainable high.
the on-ground-and-disgusted-at-cloud-nine.
i smile.
the sun sinking down to love's level-
it's too cold for me to leave
too warm for me to stay.
i've come across sumthing
that doesn't take it away. doesn't consume me.
this isn't an addiction
but isn't sumthing i can say no to.
no.
it's real.
it's not the fairy tale.
i'm caught. but i'm me.
me.
smiling.
being real.
having all my quirks.
feeling insecure.
myself.
dancing in a pink cowboy hat.
i saw you. saw your worried being.
you being a real person. with real emotion.
i felt your emotion within my skin.
confusing. but feeling.
and now i realize just wat this is.
this is wat i was hoping for.
-alysia-
| 
