Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Monday, October 10, 2005
11:53 a.m.
Watching a butterfly...

she likes june the best.
because the dandelions aren't completely gone
and the daisies come out to play.

she told you that tonight.
amongst the theories of evolution.
her dream of ghost.
her lighthearted words.

she usually drinks beer.
loves drinking whiskey.
she got a lil krazy last summer,
drinking rum and tequila.

she spent an hour and a half talking to you.
did you get wrapped up in her voice?
did you picture her smiling when she laughed?
we know you did.
that after you hung up the phone,
you didn't really know wat to do.
went to bed.
tried to relax.
maybe she'll forget about you.

she's addicted to literature.
grew up in the wilderness.
appreciates nature. and loves to party.
she's young so she might just forget about you.
but when she speaks it's like you're the only one.
when she looks at you-
you're the only one alive.

she's young. free.
and tho you're attracted to her.
you won't grab her closer.
you let her come to you.

you don't pick off the wings of a butterfly if you want her to fly.
-alysia-

Monday, October 10, 2005
11:43 a.m.
For Ross

we talked thru a haze of smoke.
you sitting across frum me in a lawn chair.
me on the ledge.
i don't remember out words but it felt good to catch up.
i was surprised at how cute you were.
we talked in the kitchen over run and coke.
laughed about the perf mix.

we danced.
i remember that.
put on music that drove others krazy.
we could never get enough of the oldies our parents used to play.
grooving to "rockin' robin"-
i don't think i realized how much fun you were.
how your arms felt around me in every long hug we took.
in every slow stupid dance-

i was surprised how good it felt.
my head on your shoulder.
you smelt like familiarity and soft old spice.
the softness of your shirt.
the warmth of your body.
the way you'd smile at me.
the way you surrounded me.
surrounded me in familiarity and old spice.

i miss that.
i want that.
familiarity and old spice.
and the way you smile.
the way your hair falls.
the way you kiss and lean into me.
i was wrapped up in your essence.
and i wonder if you remember the way my hair fell.
the way i'd hug back.
the way we sung together.
i wonder if you want that.
-alysia-

Monday, October 10, 2005
11:33 a.m.
she lays there.
wakes up.
hears him breathing on the other side of the bed.
her eyes lay open.
the sun's out.
it's time to get up.
and just like that she does.

and she does.
changes.
leaves the room.
gets and brings him water.
runs her fingers thru his hair.
kisses him.
lays back in his arms for just a moment.
and then leaves again.
powders her face.
paints her lips.
she tries to run her fingers thru her messy curly hair.

it's morning again.
the day is half over.
she has to leave.
she returns to him.
needs to see if he wants more water.
kisses him one last time and leave him her number.

it's written on pink paper.

but as she walks out the door.
she doesn't care if he even remembers how to spell her name.
-alysia-

Monday, October 10, 2005
11:25 a.m.
A letter to myself.

i wonder when i gave it all to you.
when i put all my hopes,
all my dreams into the love i thought we had.
and we did have it.
i felt it.
the fall was worth it.
i do know that now.

but i also know that now.
now there's this hole in me.
a part of me that is alone in a crowded room.
a part of me is missing.
i know that i've been trying to fix me.

i wonder if it's unfixable.

this hole.
maybe it's supposed to be there.
it's the part of me that sumtimes still picks up the ring.
and slowly stares at it.
slips it back onto her finger.
that part of me hasn't done that fer a while.
this makes me feel stronger.
makes it alright for me to be alone.
i don't have to have sumone holding me.

that ring still holds me tight enough.
-alysia-