Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Thursday, October 13, 2005
06:28 p.m.
she sits cross legged on the floor.
hair falling softly in her eyes.

it doesn't obscure her vision.

she can still see it.
see the words plain in front of her.
the touch is real. the memory...
she's barely aware of her breathing.
the past. the present. all her plans and ambitions.
it's all gone.
left outside with the city.
tonight. right now.
she's sitting on a hardwood floor-
the honey color surrounding her.
the scent of vanilla. the memory of the way his hair fell over one eye.
his smile. his allure.
the way he'd tell her that he loved her.
the way she'd believe him.
it's all there in front of her. in those pages.
in those words.
his words. they are his words.

looking up into the mirror.
she stares into her eyes. seh remembers that love.
that passion. she remembers the way he'd held her.
the way he'd talk to her. hold her close and comfort her.
she was an angel to him.
an angel in his presence.

even angels fall. and she had scraped her knee.
bloody.
breaking her own heart.
was falling apart and desperately clutching at substances that would keep her alive.
it's all a blur now as she looks into the mirror
and sees the years of time upon her-
she remembers him vividly and as she carries on into the night-
she clutches tight the letters he wrote in his own night.
his own darkness.

nothing else matters,
except the night.
-alysia-

Thursday, October 13, 2005
06:23 p.m.
huddled in a blue blanket,
she stares out at the world.
at the lights of the city. they seem so small.
they overpower her.
corner her into her room. a short quiet breath.
a small room. there are more tears than life in here.
she's drowning.
clutching at her soul. grasping at the bed.
images of god. and jesus.
and the blade that lingers just out of her reach.
the years she spent in the dark.
the moments she truly hated herself.
the fall of life. the groping in the night.
they all haunt her.
all close that door behind her.
she's here.
and she's trapped.
there's no more room.
she has no more strength to lift her head.
to grab at the blade-
blood wouldn't save her now anyway.
-alysia-

Thursday, October 13, 2005
06:19 p.m.
come with me.
take my lead.
walk with me.
i know you're going to fall.
going to stumble thru these cracks.
thru the idea of us.
of a perfect being.

open your eyes-
don't bother with outside.
i know you think you know wat you're seeing,
but look within yourself.
nothing's different really.
just a softer spirit with a deeper scar
and a bigger chance to burn.
-alysia-

Thursday, October 13, 2005
06:05 p.m.
objects glaring
passing by.
creating images that i've only seen in my mind.
there's no more.
no more room.
no more air to breathe.
nothing more here for you to see.
so, turn your back.
leave me here.
harden your heart to every thought you've ever repeated.
there's no more me.
i'm not that gurl that you once seen.
so sorry to disappoint you-
i didn't mean to bleed this way.
to thirst for more.
more pain.
more death.
there's only decay upon your breath-
no hope for rain-

only the cold hard night to leave me in.
-alysia-