Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005
07:10 p.m.
i knew frum the beginning your eyes would be the death of me.
i mean, that's wat really got me.
that's wat kept me staring.
kept me dreaming at the fire.
the warmth surrounding me.
your smile consuming my mind.
and your voice. and your smile.
and the way you'd laugh.
the stars that night were so bright.
it was perfect. clear. bright. paradise.
our own lil snowglobe world.
i knew i loved you when you kissed the palm of my hand.
i could feel it. my heart flutter.
my eyes get weak and starry.

that was the first night.

frum then, i have so many more memories.
so many more memories haunt me at night.
keep me frum sleeping.
i just lay there and you're not beside me.
your arm isn't draped around me.
i can't roll over and snuggle into you.
wake up and hear you smile.

i dream of you. but not at the fire.
the fire just makes me realize that you're not sitting next to me.
you're so distant.
so far away and yet i could touch you.
i want to touch you.
to reach out.
to tell you that after this week,
this week of threes and pain and death and sickness,
that i've learnt that i was wrong.
desperately wrong.
and that we are right. you are right.
that my life isn't right without you.
i'm incomplete and stumbling. and dreaming. and longing.

and not sleeping.

not sleeping in the worst way.
-alysia-

Wednesday, October 19, 2005
06:53 p.m.
she says she's not a romantic.
she doesn't like men. nor dating. nor the whole idea of love.
and yet, as she packs her boxes for the countless time
she carefully wraps the roses-
frozen. dried. wilted. crushed.
memories of a first love.

she says she's not a romantic.
that she doesn't need anyone in her life.
and it's true she's done well,
she's alive and happy and smiling
but as the day is over and she returns to you
you can see the change in her smile.
in those eyes.
she snuggles into you.

she says she's not a romantic.
that she doesn't want her heart broken anymore.
and yet as she wakes up beside you
she can feel her eyes smiling-
her heart awakening.

she says she's not a romantic
and yet she's in love with you.
she says she's not a romantic
and yet she knows she's in love with you.
-alysia-

Wednesday, October 19, 2005
06:50 p.m.
you hold me close.
you walk with me
and sumhow the night seems a lil less lonely.
but in the light?
in the morning.
i open my eyes and you are not here.
no, you are not here.
i beg and plead
and i know you're happy and no longer in pain
and this hole in my heart
will just get bigger
and this piece of my life
wil always be missing
but you were true beauty-
you were true love.
a shiny piece of shell covered in ocean
only to disappear.
and you footprints are only left to fade.
but if there ever were angels
sent to suffer great trials in this superficial world-
if there ever were goddesses
sent to bear wat most cannot,
then you are that angel
and you are that goddess of my heart.
-alysia-

Wednesday, October 19, 2005
06:46 p.m.
she plays with her food.
he remembers because that's when she thinks the most.
dandelions make her smile. and laugh.
and feel like a lil kid again.
she never had much of a childhood.
he holds her close, as she dreams.
valentine's day makes her sick.
too sugary. and plastic. and red and pink.
there's too much pain out there, she used to say.
and her voice is clear. and beautiful.
and he could never forget it.
could never forget her soul. her beauty.
her raw pain and the unfairness life has played in her life.
but she's still living.
and reading susan musgrave under the trees.
bathed in the sunlight. singing softly.
he's amazed at how a broken heart can beat so fiercely.
so freely.
the blood is still there.
he can see it in her eyes when she thinks he's not looking.
he can hear it in her laugh when things aren't so funny.
still fighting. still kicking.
and definitely sill smiling.
-alysia-

Wednesday, October 19, 2005
06:43 p.m.
he walks into her room.
finds her sitting on her bed. softly playing with her hair.
she stands up to grett him.
wraps her arms around his neck. pulls him close.

he can feel her heart.

slowly runs his hands down her body.
she fits so perfectly.
he's always been aware of this but still, it amazes him.
she sits back on the bed and he kneels at her feet.
she leans forward so that he can stare into her dark eyes full of love and amazement.

he knows that look is only for him.

he takes her hands.
softly smiles and marvels at the beauty that is consuming him.
he laughs.
if only my friends could see me now
if only they could see him falling krazy in love with this gurl.
this canadian gurl who would give him everything.
who is giving him everything.

if only the world could see them now.
-alysia-