Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005
06:47 p.m.
tell me.

do you feel it?
do you see it?
while you sit there in homes covered in lights and fire.
surrounded by smiles. and love.
however forced and faked and brought on by alcohol.
whole lives full of lies.
while you are there.
while you try to sleep.

will they haunt you now more than ever?
those faces.
those children.
hiding frum parents that beat them.
memories that continue to defeat them.
how about those that don't yet know their names
and are dieing in pain.
no torture could seem so unreal.
and yet it's all the same
this continues day after day
and you stay the same.
day after day.
day after day.
crying about your average life in your average home.
do you sleep?
will you sleep?
-alysia-

Monday, October 17, 2005
06:33 p.m.
i was taken back.
maybe because i wasn't expecting it.
maybe it was just the way he said my name.

how it took my breath away.
and instantly i was smiling. i never expected it.
felt giddy at the mention of me seeing him.
sad that i wouldn't see him sooner.
but absence makes presence that much sweeter.
and his words. his voice...i have to close my eyes.
this is ridiculous.
but i can't help but smile.
feel comfort within the night.
tears because i remember. because i remember within the night.
how every night was so beautiful that i have to cry.
because in tears. tears are the only thing worthy of expression for such moments.
for such purity.

he teaches me about the stars she whispers and gently closes her eyes for the night.
holding closely her cold palm against his.
resting his chin on her forehead.

she can still feel his hair within her fingers.
his soft touch upon her skin.
the way he'd kiss the palms of her hands like seh was sum kind of maiden.
sum kind of princess.
he treats her golden.
and she's never known this.
she smiles in her sleep because she's never known this.
-alysia-

Monday, October 17, 2005
06:26 p.m.
look up.
look across the table.

i know you didn't sit there by accident.
i know you didn't smile just to be friendly. but we are friends.
isn't that wat you said?
when we were surrounded by the snow.
by the snowflakes in this snowglobe world.
when you were trying to rationalize the feelings in yer head?

i can see it in yer gaze.
the way you look over at me.
the way that when you walk thru those doors you want to know wat i'm doing.
how i've been.
but yet you don't.

you turn away frum me.
fight those irrational feelings.
the chemistry. the ache within yer spirit that yearns to hold on to me.
to walk up to me in the mornings and kiss me hello.
strangely,
i feel that too. feel that i miss your body next to myne at night.
that i get this lil smile on my face when yer around.

it's silly and i fight it too.
and yet we both make precautions to make sure we get time alone.
time alone in this shaken snowglobe.
-alysia-

Thursday, October 13, 2005
08:18 p.m.
you come to me.
to me on this night.
when all my things are packed
and against the wall a couple feet frum the door.
you don't barge in.
you creep. softly like a melody that brings along a sweet memory.
a bittersweet memory.
and i'm thinking of you.
smiling about you and things you've said.
stuff we've done. the days down at the lake. on that shore.
the rocks underneath us heating up frum the sun.
me leaning back into your arms.
it was so quiet. so peaceful.
nothing like the city lights which comfort me now.
nothing like the reality of now.

but still, you are here.
have always been here. quietly. unintruding.
just here. with me. a part of me. a huge piece.
and i don't even know how you've done it.
how you've created yourself this huge place inside me.
with a fire. and a lake. and memories that only bring a smile to my face.
that summer. that winter. that night under the northern lights.
i won't forget you.
i don't think i ever could.
because even now when we are cities apart and i only have the lights to remind me,
i look over and see your rose in my mirror.
i see that soft smile on my lips.
i remember the tenderness. the rawness.
how real it was.
and my heart wakes frum its slumber.
only to find that you are not here. and the chance fallen.

but you still have this piece. i still have these memories.

i'll survive off dusty tears.
faded smiles. and stale memories.
and the hope that one day you might really be here.
might be standing in the doorway staring at my things all packed by the door.
might take me in your arms and tell me no more

there's no more reason for us to be alone.
-alysia-

Thursday, October 13, 2005
08:14 p.m.
Snowglobe I

the ice crystals fall.
identically. surrounding me.
i look down and miss the angel that's followed me so far.
complete blur.
there are tears in my eyes.
no way to know where to return.
where to stumble to.
walking is the only way to keep warm,
and with each step a memory is blessed.
there have been so many
so many tears,
not many broken hearts-
i never let them warm this bitter shell of myne--get on the inside.
but as the snow falls around.
and the stars start to appear in that velvet blue sky.
i find myself gazing up at you.
gazing inside of me. as i start to melt.
i shiver. step forward.
lean against the railing and marvel in the beauty of it.
the beauty of it all
-alysia-