Jaded. Fragmented. Fallen.
Always Rising.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
07:00 p.m.
i remember the days
i hid beneath the powder-
buried myself alive
the drugs, sex and lies
have nothing to do with me but paint::
the reds and blues within my life.
Splattered on the canvas
are the remains- the moments,
the escapes::echoes of truth.
The colors are too bright
and black 'n' white too vivid-
you don't know me
but you think you do.
i love listening to you depict me-
paint me this wonderful hue,
one that does not claw,
bite and bleed.
i love the crystal perfectness of her image-
her lust for the beauty of stars,
young and fresh- she's free.
i remember the moments,
the laughter that overwhelmed me.
i remember,
and this cage burns until my flesh cries out,
crawling until i die to bleed.
-alysia-

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
06:56 p.m.
i can't sleep-
i lie down and your body isn't next to me.
your truck isn't parked next door.
your energy has left me but i still feel you.
still feel the need for you in me.

i toss and turn.
lay awake restlessly.
i need to sleep. but can't.
it's impossible,
except during day. when in mornings, you would leave me to work.
when you'd give me that cute smile of yours,
and saunter out the door.
you never did just walk, you sauntered.
and your smile? it was so you.
that was the first thing i fell in love with-
but now?
now all i feel is your absence.
-alysia-

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
06:54 p.m.
you look at me thru your shaggy hair.
look down on me with fascination.
i find it hard to believe. hard to see this.

and my hair isn't in my eyes.
-alysia-

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
06:45 p.m.
i walk across the floor in bare feet.
it's cold out and sumhow the night reflects that.
the feel isn't unwelcome-
warm and embracing,
surrouned by the haunting glow of candles and lava lamps.
the music entwines me.
there's no where to hide in this corner of the world.
this is myne.

me. alone.
there used to be another voice.
and country music playing on the radio.
he held me.
the smell of old spice.
slowly dancing. twirls and being held close to him.
night air upon our skin. alcohol in our past.
stars in my eyes-
i could see you.
let you see the real me. wide eyes. shy smile.
falling asleep in his arms. quiet. innocent.
small kisses on my forehead.
stroking my hair.

reality awakens-
ani plays into the night.
the city lights brightening the night outside my window.
you are not here. there are no happy moments.
no water fights in the shower,
where you'd wipe the mascara frum my eyes.
no silently cursing your truck as it wakes me up.
no awareness of the sliding door-
you're not mine.

and your absences makes me wonder if you ever were.
-alysia-