Sunday, October 2, 2005
06:24 p.m.
she split her skin.
figuratively-
sick of caring,
of presenting a front that makes everyone fall in love with her
fall in love with the idea of her
ha. love.
if only they knew that she'd bite like a snake and they'd become addicted.

she's not the angel you dream of.
she's not here to save the world.
she's not here to save you frum yourself
she's not here for your existence.
stop placing her on that pedestal...
she's only gonna jump off and leave you stranded-

still chained to the bed.
-alysia-

Sunday, October 2, 2005
06:20 p.m.
today i fall in pieces.
or maybe it is just today that i realize that i am in pieces.
and the pieces
aren't even broken-
fallen whole to pieces.

i have struggled to get this far.
to feel this far.
to feel these fingers type across these keys.
and yet this is everywhere i don't want to be.
and how can you blame me?
the taste of blood is always satisfying,
when there's a fight to be had.

and yet, i'm here,
hiddne beneath a layer of make-up
i have far but conformed.
but it is no longer comfortable for me to lay in this bed.
There is no sleep to be had-

there is never any sleep when an animal lays in bed.
-alysia-

Sunday, October 2, 2005
06:14 p.m.
a breath.
i have to calm myself
shouldn't feel this way. . .burn this way.

and yet. my flesh. searing. scraping back until layers of skin peel...
only muscle revealing
bleeding
and i crawl upon eggshells.

there is everyone
but you,
there has always been sumone else in my bed-
i could never commit to you and your naiveness burns me.

Seductively, of course.
Why else would i stay?

i'm tired of yer game...
i can play it with my eyes shut, so i up the stakes.

Your heart lays fresh and bloody
Centered neatly in the middle of the table
Its blood slowly,
and yet so quick that for a moment you forget it's blood,
you forget wats real,
and just see a river. a dream.
sumthing you've never felt before...remorse?
silly, you shake back to reality.
The blood of his heart
slowly darkening the green of the table cloth
until the whole table is black.

black
and you never saw this coming.
you sit across frum me with sad eyes
and ponder just how i got you here.

silly, it was easy.

i just became the true love you've always wanted to have.

and now do have.
slowly bleeding black on the table.
-alysia-